we have officially lost it.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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