The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
