and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
