she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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