why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
