A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
