i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
