Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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