her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
