worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
