update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
