Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
