So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
