Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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