Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
