Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
