Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
