dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
