I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
