she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
