some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize