I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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