This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you win again, gameday.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
