Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
