I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
