Will you blow on my dice?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize