i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
