we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ketchup is God's man juice
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
