A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
