Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
