This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
me + whiskey = a bad person
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
