I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
