fuck your aforementioned shoe
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
