You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
