I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
