i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Fuck appropriateness.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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