Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
