No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
