would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
