i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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