I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
