this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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