I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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