FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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