Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
