That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
