just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
