You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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