i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
