he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
