Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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