Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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