I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
