Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
