they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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