Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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