the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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