Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
