Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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