I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
