you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
