hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
