Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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