I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
