I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize