So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
